Language Learning Anxieties

I’ve been interested in Japanese culture since I was a toddler, having a Japanese-American uncle and a mother with an interest in Japanese arts. One of my most beloved childhood toys is a teddy bear named Suki gifted by my uncle (she wears a tiny bear-sized kimono!), and I grew up watching anime, because of course I did. I was a bit of a weeaboo as a younger kid, shamefully, but it grew into a more mature appreciation of the culture and adoration of the art and media.

The bear in question.

I tried learning to read Japanese when I was about nine-ish, but never fully committed, and again earlier this year. Here I am again today, realizing that I really, really do want to commit to learning the language, through speech this time, and I want to do it with another human being. But good god am I anxious!
There’s a little voice in the back of my head that’s telling me it would be super weird for me to speak Japanese. Weeaboo’s guilt, maybe? I am super embarrassed about how geeky I was about anime as a kid, although my obsession was, in all honesty, on the tamer side. I just don’t want people to question me about it. I don’t like when I tell someone about a passion of mine and they go “but why?”. Why? Because I want to! Because I can!!! I don’t know. It’s weird. I was sort of the only kid who was that nerdy about Japanese media in my community as a kid, and was considered a bit weird for it, so maybe that’s a factor. Who can say for sure? Not I.
Anyhoo~ I hope to acquire the confidence to start taking lessons with a tutor soon. I’ve heard from my school language teachers that it’s easier to pick up a language when you’re younger, so it’s probably wise to get started while I’m in my prime. I haven’t got a fully developed frontal lobe yet, so my mind is perfectly malleable!